Untamed book club, final
Happy New Year friends.
It’s hard to believe another year is coming to an end, even if we’ll be glad to see it go. I want to thank you for your participation in this book club, and your willingness to be open and real. Vulnerability and truth is how we make connections and how we grow in friendship and community. It’s how we hear, “Me, too” and know we are not alone. Thank you again.
“The fact that we define ourselves by our roles is what keeps the world spinning. It’s also what makes us untethered and afraid. . .Who we are is perpetually being taken from us, so we live in fear instead of peace.” P.303
Um…wow. I’m kinda writing a book about this very concept. A career woman without a career. A wife at odds with her husband. A mom unable to mother, for a period of time, in traditional ways. The depths of despair to which I sank and the work I had to do to climb out of that hole. Sums up my forthcoming memoir pretty darn accurately. In bold capital letters on the book’s flap is: THIS IS HOW YOU FIND YOURSELF. And yes indeed. I think Glennon laid a path that we can follow, in part or in whole, for finding ourselves, or finding pieces that may be elusive. I, for one, plan to return to this book, my dog-eared pages and underlined passages, to remind myself of the work still ahead, the stakes to keep moving forward, to listen to my Knowing, and to become the woman I am meant to be.
I loved that Glennon chose, in the last several vignettes, to keep the messages serious, but to lighten the mood. I chuckled as she shared her guitar lesson story because I have certainly had my fair share of fantasies of being “discovered” and being on stage (only my fantasies have been about acting.) But it sure was a light-hearted way to introduce the idea of having FUN and coming down from martyrdom mountain. Only martyrs appreciate martyrs. I often talk in my art classes about the necessity of giving ourselves permission to have fun, an idea I first read about in The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. (Another MUST read if you haven’t read it.) How and why did so many of us learn the lesson growing up that fun is verboten? Or, that we can only allow ourselves snippets of fun and joy after taking care of everyone and everything else? I don’t know how, but I’m glad we’re figuring out that message is detrimental to our health and well-being.
I hope the book, our book club, and this community have inspired you to think and have fun. I hope we'll stay inspired in many ways yet to come. In fact, I’d like you to commit, below in the comment section, to 1 idea or act or thing inspired by Untamed that you can do for yourself or embrace in 2021.
I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions. I don’t care for the word or the weight of its implications or how we treat ourselves when we fall short or give up on unrealistic goals. What I am a fan of is thinking about 1 (or several) lessons learned/reflections and then creating an intention about how to carry that positivity forward into further learning.
Here’s mine. I have two.
In concessions, Glennon writes about not wanting to be an Expectations Parent.
Intention #1: My daughter is on the precipice of graduating from college. I can think of no better time to talk and keep talking to her about finding joy in her life, the way she wants to and on her own terms. I plan to keep reminding her to learn about her own Knowing and to follow it, regardless of what she thinks anyone else (including her dad and me) will think. Easier said than done, but SO worth it. No one said that to me, ever. I wonder what might be different if they had?
As a huge fan of the vignette "deliveries". . .
Intention #2: I intend to slow down enough, especially around difficult emotions, to dissect what may be my "programmed beliefs," to exame said beliefs, and unpack them. Making positive change requires time, energy, and space. I intend to meditate more regularly and write down thoughts and experiences to help me embrace change.
Oh…and last week I started keeping a written gratitude journal again. Always tops on my “things to do to feel better” list.
Please share one (or more) of yours down in the comments.
Now. We also “talked” about doing a live zoom, so we can connect “face to face” and share meaningful and fun thoughts about all that we read. Is everyone available on Wednesday, January 13 at 7pm? Talking through parts of the material will help us solidify our intentions and carry them forward.
Please RSVP in the comments or to me directly. I’ll set up the zoom and send the link.
Happy New Year!
First, Tracey, thank you for facilitating this book club! I enjoyed the book, and it spoke to me directly many times, meeting me where I am on my journey to authenticity.
With that in mind, my intention for 2021 is to honor my authentic self. Instead of uncovering a new piece and being scared of it and burying it back where I found it, my intention is to shine it up, put it on display, and live with it. Accept it, make use of it. Ignore the fear that it will make others uncomfortable. That's too damn bad – it's about ME, not about them. It's about rediscovering who I am. It's about letting go of all the BS that life has heaped on me and that I've just blindly accepted because I didn't know any better.
I don't have any idea what that's going to look like. I don't have any idea what that's going to feel like, although I anticipate that some of it will be painful, while at the same time feeling freeing and joyous. I'll deal with it as it shows up in my life, and if I don't know how to handle it I will ask for help. I'm actually getting good at asking for help. I used to believe that my whining, complaining, and martyrdom was asking for help but I realize now that it wasn't. That was just me putting myself firmly in the victim seat and begging for attention. That was me at my weakest. Seeking help comes from a position of strength and wisdom. Knowing that you aren't equipped to handle a particular situation requires awareness, and seeking assistance takes guts. I've developed both over the course of time, and I have a strong sense of gratitude for lessons learned.
As of this point in the calendar, I'm available on the 13th and I'll schedule for 7:00 pm.
Thank you again, and here's to a new year full of joy, grace, and authenticity!
Right on Kelly. Seeking help does come from a position of strength! Sometimes I’ve been mocked for asking a dumb question— and let’s be honest, some questions are dumb, but the person asking it isn’t— that’s something I’ve been learning.
Tracey, thank you so much for all the organizing that I now see goes into a smooth-flowing book club.
Always working on not being an Expectations Parent. Some days are tough — mine continue to be about depression therapies for my son. But I’m with you, Tracey; after I meditate I write in my gratitude journal—almost daily. I know it steadies me, I’m happier, and most days I experience more joy. I think I’ve sublimated our default mode to scan for threats. Not always, but 14% more than 2 years ago.
I, too, loved these vignettes. Really memorable and spoke to my soul. I loved this experience— especially with my class.
I’m available January 13@7.
Wishing all courage, curiosity, and compassion throughout this New Year. 💞😷🙏🏻
I too want to thank you Tracey for facilitating the book club and for allowing me to join all of you. I enjoyed the book and learned a lot about who I am and want I would like to change.
My intentions are to be still and listen to my knowing. To continue to learn what beliefs are mine and what were programmed into me.
My second intention is, “We can do hard things”. I love when Glennon says “Being human is not hard because you’re doing it wrong, it’s hard because you’re doing it right. I need to change my idea that life should be easy. That’s not living it’s hiding.
Happy New Year everyone
I will not be able to make the zoom meeting.
I'm joining in with accolades to you, Tracey, for putting together this book club! From the first vignette to the last, I found Glennon's words hitting home. I am in awe of people who are perceptive enough to handle tough situations in ways that pull everyone up, that help everyone move toward their own Knowing. I so wish I understood this, and practiced this, my whole life. But as they say, you don't know what you don't know. I used to call my Knowing my "gut feeling." I like "Knowing" better. That said, I've been working to understand my Knowing for several years. There were some tragic situations that led me to lose much of my Knowing but also a couple of tragic situations that guided me back to find it.
Going forward, I intend to continue seeking and living my truest life, according to my Knowing. I also want to share what I've learned with my two adult children, as the situations arise. It could be a problem I am working through with one of them, where what I say reflects my truth but doesn't diminish theirs. Or it could be advice (when they ask for it, which I'm happy to say, they do occasionally) to them on how to handle a situation they are uneasy about.
I realize my intention for 2021 is broad. The concepts Glennon put forward are mostly not new to me. Glennon put her spin on things, helping to enlighten me in this journey of life. I am going to reread this book to better ingrain these soul survival skills into my being.
Wed, Jan. 13 works for me.
I've been sort of remiss in responding to the past few entries. But not for lack of interest. I LOVED this book and the message. I am trying to LIVE this book and the message.
My 21 year old just left after being here since Thanksgiving. While it's historically been a challenge, she and I, I must say this visit was the best in years. Lots of laughter, a few tears and minimal egg shell walking.
I learned so much from her (when she has her adult moments of clarity) and told her so…I was, is, will be very intentional about listening and really hearing. Not only her, but my other daughter (16) and husband of 25 years.
2020 may have sucked donkey doo, but the best thing about it was taking the time for real self care for the first time in 56 years.
Jan 13th works for me.