10 Tips to Confidently Navigate the IEP Process, 2025
Introduction: Why we needed an IEP
In honor of May and Mental Health Awareness Month (MHAM) 2025, I dipped into the archive. I first shared this post 10 years ago. Gee whiz, time flies. Every year, the National Alliance on Mental Illness or NAMI has a theme for MHAM. This year’s is, In every story, there’s strength.
Here is some of our story.
But first, what is any IEP anyway? An Individualized Education Program (IEP) is a legally mandated, written plan developed for public school students aged 3 to 21 who have disabilities affecting their academic performance. It outlines the student’s current educational levels, sets annual goals, and specifies the special education services, accommodations, and supports the school will provide to meet the student’s unique needs.
Ten years ago, my daughter was still in high school, and the supports of an IEP were an important part of her education journey. The process was not easy. As someone who’s been there, I hope this information helps.
Click here to see a PDF Guide to the Individualized Education Plan.
A bit more backstory. Just prior to the start of 8th grade, Faith was diagnosed with an eating disorder and, soon after that, severe depression. She was thirteen years old. Our treatment journey began with individual therapy, trips to the pediatrician, and consultations with a nutritionist.
As the days and weeks went by, her symptoms worsened. Her therapist told us that the treatment plan wasn’t working, that Faith needed to go to an outpatient program every day after school. Next we learned that Faith would need to be pulled out of school to attend the program full time.
Concerns plagued her dad and me, not the least of which was what would happen with her education.
I contacted the middle school guidance counselor, informed her of the latest development, and asked what our options were to help Faith continue her schooling. The answer made my chest hurt.
“There’s nothing we can do,” the guidance counselor said. “Let me know when she’s ready to come back.”
Turned out that that answer was either a bald-faced lie or simple misinformation. Either way, children who can’t attend school due to their disability have rights. Eventually, it was my therapist, experienced in working with school districts, who advised me how to get the ball rolling on the IEP process. I called the guidance counselor again and said, specifically, that my daughter’s disability was preventing her from getting an education.
(Please note: While our daughter’s inability to attend school was part of our story, it’s important to know that a student does not have to be absent to qualify for an IEP—any disability that impacts learning can make them eligible.)
My Advice, Based on our IEP Journey
Phone calls to the district were made. Meetings were scheduled. A team of people got involved. Time lines were followed. I don’t know why the guidance counselor told us nothing could be done. I prefer to believe that she was not being malicious. She simply did not understand the severity of my daughter’s mental illness at the time qualified as a disability. The important point is that children whose learning is compromised, for whatever disability-related reason, have legal protections.
Below, I share my advice in ten tips, drawn from our own journey through the IEP process. These insights come from experience—what we learned, what we wish we’d known sooner, and what ultimately helped us move forward. My hope is that they guide and empower you as you advocate for your child.
If you or someone you know is in the process of dealing with this scenario, please know that I see you and your pain. It’s terrifying enough not to know what will transpire with your child’s health, let alone have to also deal with school districts and red tape.
1. Don’t take answers at face value
Especially at the outset. If you feel like you’re getting the run-around, are not getting the information you need, or don’t understand what you’re being told or why, seek out more information. Try to find a helping professional who specializes in the type of issue your child has. My therapist had a lot of experience working with school districts, kids, and parents.
Contact the school psychologist or the special education coordinator at your child’s school. You can also reach out to the principal, who can guide you through the referral process.
If you prefer to go directly to the district level, contact the Director of Special Education or Special Services Department for your district. They can explain your rights, the evaluation process, and how to get started with requesting an IEP evaluation.
2. Know your rights
By law, certain time-lines and protocols have to be followed from the start of the IEP process. If the school district isn’t following them, they are in violation of those laws.
I know a woman who sued her school district for this very issue – the school not following proper protocol – and won. A bittersweet victory to be sure, but the money they received helped recoup some out of pocket expenses the family paid for treatment.
In addition to timelines, you have the right to request that your child be evaluated for special education services at any time, and the school is required to respond within a specific timeframe. Parents also have the right to participate as active members of the IEP team, which means you can attend meetings, share your insights, and help make decisions. If you disagree with the school’s decisions, you have the right to seek resolution through mediation, file a formal complaint, or request a due process hearing to ensure your concerns are addressed.
3. Be prepared
Write notes, a lot of notes. You will have to tell your story over and over again. I found it easier to type up our history rather than trying to remember the important information. That way, I could hand the document over for back-up to the school psychologist and the school district.
Keep a list of all current and former clinicians and anyone else involved in your child’s treatment, Include names, addresses, phone numbers, and pertinent dates. Keep a list for former and current medications including dosages and prescribing physician(s). Take notes at each IEP meeting – record dates and times, attendance and what was said. Discuss the goings on with current clinicians and others on the treatment team.
It’s also a good idea to familiarize yourself with these key terms:
IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) – The federal law that ensures services to children with disabilities.
FAPE (Free Appropriate Public Education) – The right of every child with a disability to receive an education tailored to their needs at no cost.
LRE (Least Restrictive Environment) – The requirement that students with disabilities learn alongside their peers as much as possible.
Accommodations – Changes in how a student learns material (e.g., extra time on tests) without altering what is taught.
Modifications – Changes in what a student is expected to learn (e.g., reduced homework or alternate assignments).
Related Services – Additional services like speech therapy, counseling, or occupational therapy needed for the child to benefit from education.
Present Levels of Performance (PLOP) – A section of the IEP that describes your child’s current academic and functional skills.
Annual Goals – Specific, measurable goals the IEP team sets for your child to achieve within a year.
IEP Team – A group including parents, teachers, school staff, and sometimes the student, who develop and review the IEP.
4. Be brutally honest
There may be times, telling your family’s story, that you feel sad, ashamed, scared, enraged, guilty, grief-stricken, and inadequate. You may also feel judged by some of the people you’re dealing with or the system in general. Stigma is real; and it’s the number one reason people don’t get help. Please don’t let fear stop you. Your firsthand knowledge of your child’s strengths and struggles helps create a plan that meets his or her needs. Holding back information can lead to gaps in support, while full honesty ensures the team has a clear picture to provide the most effective services.
It’s natural to feel uneasy about labels, especially when they come with assumptions about who your child is or what they can achieve. But sometimes, the right label opens doors to the support your child needs to thrive. If a label leads to understanding, resources, and growth, it becomes a tool—not a limitation.
Ultimately, you and the team are there to provide your child with the tools necessary to succeed.
5. Be cordial but insistent
In theory, you’re all on the same team, but sometimes reality feels different. The adage that you get more bees with honey than with vinegar is, of course, true. I sent notes to the school district personnel who attended our early meetings to thank them for helping to put a plan in place. Don’t take an answer as written in stone if you don’t agree that it’s best for your child. No one knows your child better than you do.
you know your child better than anyone, and your instincts are a powerful guide on this IEP journey. trust your intuition.
6. Again, remember that no one knows your child better than you do
Stay informed so you can be the best, most vocal advocate you can possibly be.
Don’t forget to communicate with your child. Whether you can see it on the outside of them or not, your kid is probably as scared as you are, maybe more so. Communicating with your child during the process helps them feel seen, heard, and included in decisions that affect their life. It’s important to validate their experience by acknowledging their feelings, asking for input, and reassuring them that their needs matter. When children feel supported in this way, they’re more likely to engage and grow with confidence in the journey.
The impact of your growth and commitment to better communication is shaping your child in meaningful ways, even if the results take time to show.
7. Practice self-care
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Engaging in self-care is crucial because it will help you maintain your own well-being, reduce stress, and ensure you are in a healthier frame of mind. If we aren’t calm, our kids won’t be calm. (Yes, I know that our calmness doesn’t ensure theirs.) Living with and loving a child with mental illness can be exasperating, draining, and downright hard. You may be juggling life with other children and a job, trying to do the best you can while being stretched too thin.
Whatever form it takes – reading a good book, doing an arts and crafts project, having coffee with a friend, taking a bath, going for a quick walk – find a few minutes of down time to cope in the way that works best for you. You must develop the skills you need to deal with emotional discomfort.
We have to actively reject the notion that self-care, especially during difficult times, is selfish. It’s not. It’s a necessity. And it’s a two-way street: from the outside in (think mani-pedi, massage) and from the inside out (think coping with stress, healing unhelpful patterns). Intentionally prioritizing our own mental wellness is central to more balance.
If you’re anything like I was, you cannot fathom putting yourself on your to-do list. But committing to creativity, connection, and cultivating mental wellness was some of the most important work of my personal healing journey.
- Creativity gives voice to parts of us that long to be heard.
- Connection helps us thrive and love deeply.
- Mental wellness is essential for clarity, engagement, and satisfaction in life.
By identifying and focusing on these core values, I reconnected with a more authentic version of myself and nurtured a more embodied life experience. It took me a while, but eventually these practices became essential to navigating the difficult terrain with my child’s mental health.
Click the link below to see more about these tools.
8. Before assessment, ask about additional tests
Testing for emotional disturbance was not part of the standard assessment process in our school district. It was my knowledgeable therapist who instructed me to ask for an ISES assessment. ISES stands for Intensive Social and Emotional Services. If I had not requested this test specifically, my daughter would not have been tested on the very issues that were preventing her from attending school.
9. Plan accordingly for in person testing
There are many, many meetings that happen during the IEP process. Your child does not need to be present for most of them. He or she will, however, have to be tested in person. The timing happened to work out that my daughter returned home from residential treatment in May, shortly before the end of the school year. We were able to squeeze her testing in before the summer break. This was important for having her IEP plan in place for the start of her freshman year of high school.
The plan and its goals also provided for tutoring that summer so Faith could do catch up work in English and math.
10. Say no if you need to
As we were getting the IEP plan in place, the special education team strongly encouraged us to enroll Faith in a different school, one that specialized in children with emotional disturbance, for the start of 9th grade. I spoke to Faith, and ultimately rejected this suggestion. She was adamant about returning to her “normal” school, with her friends, for the start of her high school experience.
My husband and I took the professionals’ advice to heart, but felt we wanted to give Faith the chance. She’d been through a lot—months of isolation, hospital stays, and the struggle to reclaim her sense of normalcy. Saying yes was about honoring her determination and letting her know we believed in her ability to try. We wanted her to feel supported, not sidelined, as she took this step toward healing on her own terms.
Changing schools later would have been an option, but what message would we have sent had we automatically told her she couldn’t handle it?
A Word About the Plan
What our IEP plan looked like: School work was never Faith’s problem, so we didn’t need accommodations such as extra time for assignments or tests. The IEP ended up including supports that were mostly outside the classroom, and we were signed up with a wrap-around program called Coeds.
Throughout her freshman year, we had a team of people supporting us. Starting out, Faith met with her Coeds specialist four times a week. During these meetings, they talked and worked on positive coping skills. One time a week, my husband and I met with a parent partner specialist who listened to our concerns and helped us problem-solve for school and home. Once a month we had a family meeting where the entire team met with our family to discuss our progress. We also had monthly meetings at the high school with IEP personnel and teachers to assess her emotional state in general, and the IEP plan goals.
Additionally, Faith had access to the school therapist, and met with her weekly. Over time, meetings with her Coeds specialist reduced to a couple of times per week. This level of support was vital to the successful completion of her freshman year. By the end of that year, we were able to relinquish the Coeds program, and by the end of her sophomore year, we were able to relinquish the school-based therapist.
If I recall correctly, the plan remained in place until the end of high school when she graduated having been accepted to a top choice university. The process included a lot of bureaucracy, but the effort was well worth the results. No amount of red tape compares to the joy of watching your child reclaim an ability to thrive.
As always, I’m available for questions regarding this information or any part of our recovery journey. You can contact me here.
Additional Resources
Note: An IEP should not be confused with a 504 plan or with Home-Health education. Click here to read the differences between a 504 and an IEP. In our school district, there was a different process available to receive in-home tutoring for students who were going to miss at least 2 consecutive weeks of school due to a medical issue; this is Home-Health education. Contact your local school for more information.
Individuals with Disabilities Act (IDEA)
IDEA Parent & Family page
IDEA by State
National Disability Rights Network (NDRN)
Wrightslaw.com
Center for Parent Information & Resources
Below is an 8 minute video that debunks common myths related to an IEP. I love that the first one is about labels.
